Life is a cycle, and us women experience this cyclical change every month. While it’s no fun for anyone, it’s probably less fun for some than others – clots, cramps, huge pimple, etc.. But I want to talk about the bigger picture, the cycle of life. Us women “of a certain age” have experienced some of these cycles already and the confusion that comes along with them. Being attached to our mothers, detaching from our mothers, becoming mothers, losing our mothers, becoming grandmothers ….dang! It seems like we are always in some mom cycle.
All humans are made with biological imperatives that stalk them throughout their life cycles- to make more baby humans and make sure we get them to an age where they will make more baby humans. You know that biological clock thumping like Marissa Tomei’s heel in My Cousin Vinny – yeah that’s one of your biological imperatives. But there are a few others like territorialism, competition (back off my dude, Becky), group forming and one of my favorites, quality of life seeking.
Yes, improving your situation is a biological imperative.
It seems, however, our “big brains” have confused this biological imperative. It’s easy in the first cycle of life, momma is responsible for making sure you are comfortable and cared for. But after that cycle of life, you are pretty much flying solo. Many of us look, throughout the cycles of our lives, for ways to improve our situation. College or career, savings, picking a good life partner, getting a house, upgrading the house, having the newest phone, handbag, vacation. We have somehow in our “big brains” confused quality of life seeking with status seeking. They are not the same thing and this confusion causes us stress!
Imagine you are a bacteria, like Propionibacterium acnes. For those of you that might not have caught the drift, it’s the zit bug. This bacteria, just like you, has the same biological imperatives. Fortunately, for this bacteria, less so for your skin, it doesn’t care where it grows. Nose pimple, back pimple, butt pimple – it’s all the same. What it does care about is that the livin’ is easy, so it can keep growing or hanging around until another clogged pore allows it to set up shop. It’s not keeping up with the P. Acnes Jonses – it doesn’t give a rat’s furry butt about the Jonses.
We could learn a lot from this little bacteria.
It doesn’t need work done to its cell walls because they are a little wrinkly, it’s doesn’t get down on itself because it’s spawned 100 generations, does it have a little too much cytoplasm junk in the trunk – yeah but it can still fill a pore to bursting! And it certainly doesn’t worry about what cycle of life it’s in – it’s just looking for the best, dirtiest, oiliest place to hang out because it’s easy there – less stressed. Eventually, it will be no more – but hey! It happens to the best of bacteria, right?
- Spiritual work
- Relationships you can depend on
- A comfortable savings (hmm hmm, living within your means)
- A purpose
Those things give quality to our lives. Sure, a nice Louis Vuitton bag can’t hurt but it will not keep you warm at night.
So when you cruise through the cycles of life, when you are stressed to bursting, like a big ‘ol whitehead on your forehead, on your wedding day. Chill out! All of this is going to happen anyway, whether you like it or not. So, find the coziest, comfiest, less stressed place and relax. Stop confusing quality of life with things like money, looks, or status. Even a simple bacteria knows that’s not the way to survive. Figure out what really improves your quality of life in all your cycles of life.