“Mom, why is it ok for boys to not wear shirts outside, but it’s not ok for girls?” my son asked me recently (he’s 6). Modern mom that I am, I hemmed and hawed around a potential explanation worthy of gender-equal 2019.

“I mean, jeez, we allllll have nipples, Mom!” he went on to say in that exasperated, I-clearly-don’t-get-it tone only a young child can muster.

Truth is, he’s right. We allllll have nipples! It was then when I remembered how many times expectant fathers have asked me, “Will my son have nipples?” that I realized just how much we ignore male nips!

Nipple development happens about a week before sexual differentiation in embryos, which is why both men and women have teats. For the first six weeks that we’re in the womb, we exist in a completely gender-neutral state, regardless of the chromosomes (XX or XY) we carry. We look like little blobs of alien flesh (seriously, if you want to see it in awesome live imaging, check out The Virtual Embryo!). By the time our genetic makeup and hormones dictate whether we’ll be male or female, our nipples are already in place, meaning they’re permanent, regardless of your genetic sexuality.

Male breasts have milk ducts and some mammary tissue. Men also produce oxytocin and prolactin, the hormones required for milk production. There have been reports of men who were able to produce milk through extensive breast and nipple stimulation, but no one knows…or maybe no one wanted to know…whether the milk was of the same composition or quality as the kind women produce. And I don’t know many men who would volunteer for that study!  

So despite Ben Stiller technically being correct in “Meet the Parents,” when he said you can milk anything with nipples, it’s a lot less likely to happen. 

Men enjoy nipple play too! That’s right, ladies, you can give your man a nipple-job! Men are just as, if not more, sensitive in the nipples. Nipple play sends shockwaves to the prostate, which makes the P-gland really, really happy. A group of researchers actually mapped women’s brains via a functional MRI (fMRI) and found nipple stimulation activated the same areas of the brain as stimulation of the clitoris and vagina…the region is known as the genital sensory cortex. I’d theorize the same could be said of men!  Right now you’re planning your Friday night, aren’t you?

Want to try it? Have an open and honest convo with your partner and your desire to explore a nipple job in the bedroom. If he’s into it, start by tracing the pigmented portion of the nipple (the areola) with your fingers or mouth until the nipple becomes hard. Then stimulate each nipple with gentle rubbing or slight pinching. The harder the nipples become, the more sensitive they are to direct stimulation. Much like the moment before a woman orgasms, don’t stop but don’t keep going full-steam-ahead until he climaxes. And much like female orgasms, trying to have a nipplegasm will probably result in some pretty intense mental blocks and…an anti-climactic result. Remember, there’s both good and bad touching in all the erogenous zones, so hold off on breaking out the nipple clamps just yet!  

And not to be a post-nipple bummer…but men can get breast cancer too. They have the same tissue that forms embryonically in women. So any lumps, growths, or oddities need to be checked out for guys too.

So now we know and can all go on about our day…guys can lactate with tremendous, ridiculous effort, or just use their nips to enhance their sexual experience. And they don’t have to wear a “Seinfeld”-esque “bro” or “man-ssiere.” Somehow, I think men got the better end of the deal…